MMM Training Solutions

In the movie ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ one of the characters wrote the word ‘Happiness’ on the wall but spelt it as ‘Happyness’. When questioned about using Y instead of I, he said that there should be no ‘I’ in Happyness there only should a ‘Y’. It took me a while to get the deeper meaning to the statement. After dwelling upon this for a while, I also agree that there should only be a ‘Y’. ‘Why is it so?’ I am sure you would wonder. Read on…………

Well let’s admit that there are metrics to measure just about every aspect of our lives – our money, our well being – physical health, emotional health, our success, economic security and now I’m told research and science is just a step away from measuring our life span as well.

Which brings me to a question – why are we scampering to collect metrics on these aspects? Does this indicate how happy we will be when we collate the information? Why do we need what we need – home, money, family, security, health?

A realization hit me one morning a few weeks ago as I was travelling to work – I had metrics to measure all the above aspects while I lacked any framework on measuring the single most powerful driving force – the desire to be happy.

Did I have reasons to be happy? I sure did – my husband was the tall handsome love of my life willing to support me in every possible way; I had two lovely children; I was a facilitator – cannot imagine doing anything else for a living; I had friends, family and my health…..

Then I started to ponder about the ‘Ys’ or ‘Whys’………..Why then was I snapping at the same people who I care about so deeply once too often? Why was getting dejected at the slightest setback-professional or personal? Why was I losing my temper too often and too easily? Is that how a happy person should react?

I thought long and thought hard and realized that if I could figure out the ‘Ys’ I could increase my feeling of happiness. Here are some of the changes I made in my life which resulted in me being a happier person:

1. Eat and sleep in time – science has enough evidence to prove this affects how happy we can be.
2. Hold on to your anger – Every irritation does not have to be aired as soon as you start to sense it – this only adds to bad feelings. Allow your irritation to dissipate a little and might be that as time passes you might feel that you need not air it at all.
3. Enjoy the fun of failure – People who are happy are the ones who dared to do things differently. As Shiv Khera says “Successful people don’t do different things, they do things differently.” Challenge yourself to learn and explore. Failure and success are mere byproducts – the satisfaction of having tried has no equal.
4. Money can buy happiness – Using your money to be closer to your loved ones, to buy products that will increase your efficiency and productivity – the list could be endless. Go ahead splurge wisely and make others and yourself happy.
5. Exercise to be happy – there is enough evidence to prove that even a ten minute walk can boost your mental and psychological health.
6. Let the second best be good enough – In life it may not be always possible to get the best – no point in fretting over choices available or choices made.
7. Give a thing only as much importance as it deserves – this is entirely from your life’s perspective and never from anyone else’s.
8. Act – Reflect on what will make you happier and take concrete steps to get closer to whatever makes you happy

This won’t take forever to garner and it is totally worth it!

“The idea is that leadership at its most fundamental is about moving people in a certain direction—usually through changing the direction of their thinking and their actions. And the way to do that is not necessarily by charging out front and saying, “Follow me,” but by empowering or pushing others to move forward ahead of you. It is through empowering others that we impart our own leadership or ideas. It is valuable in every arena of life.”
– From the book ‘Mandela’s way’ by Richard Stengel
When reading this quote I was reminded of an incident that Abdul Kalaam refers to when he talks about how he learnt to handle failures.
In 1973 Kalaam was given the responsibility to put India’s ‘Rohini’ satellite into orbit by 1980. The launch date was August 1979. Journalists from all over the world were present at ISRO’s satellite launch range to record this great event. The air was pregnant with anticipation. Everything seemed to be going according to plan. But suddenly, four minutes before the launch, the computers started to send out warnings recommending that the launch should be aborted. The team was puzzled. Kalaam conferred with his experts who reassured him that there was no reason for concern. Kalaam made the fateful decision to bypass the computer and proceed with the launch. In the first stage, everything worked fine. But shortly after, the satellite plunged into the Bay of Bengal.

Kalaam had no time to deal with his own feelings; he had the difficult job to face the unforgiving press. Just as he was bracing himself for this ordeal, Prof. Satish Dhawan, Kalaam’s boss told Kalaam that he will conduct the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure — he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely succeed.

Kalaam was moved by two things – Dhawan’s willingness to take responsibility for the failure and also the immense trust that he had in Kalaam.

The next year, in July 1980, the satellite was successfully launched. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. This time Prof. Dhawan asked Kalaam to conduct the press conference – Dhawan wanted Kalaam to be visible at the time of success.
Kalaam states that this was the most important management lesson that he has learned in his life – “How to lead from the back.”

It was raining very heavily and the little restaurant where I was having dinner was very crowded. All the tables were occupied and some hungry customers were waiting for their turn. Some children were crying as they had to wait and the harassed waiters were hurrying to serve the diners.

Amidst all this confusion there was one waiter called Chandran who was serving everyone with a smile. His communication skills were fairly advanced. He was serving each customer according to their need, carefully listening to each order, checking his understanding and then executing the order. But Chandran’s smile was short lived as very soon there was a huge commotion at one end of the restaurant. One angry diner had flung his plate across the room and was screaming at him.

All eyes turned to that part of the room. It was surprising to see that Chandran was involved in this situation. As a regular diner I had always admired Chandran for his skill at customer service. Always polite and quick to serve the customers, he was indeed very popular with everyone. In fact he had also very recently received the “Employee of the Month” award from his employers. So what was going wrong?

The customer was actually accusing Chandran of physically assaulting his little son. The manager rushed to the spot and, after pacifying the customer, got to the bottom of the issue. Most of the people around also had seen Chandran drag the little boy across the room but what was Chandran’s version?

Then we came to the final truth. Unnoticed by the parents the little boy was playing with a fan that was kept nearby. As Chandran was passing by he noticed that the child was pushing his fingers dangerously close to the fan. Chandran quickly dragged him away from danger. A moment’s delay would have had dire consequences. Instead of thanking him these parents were shouting at him!

The attitude displayed in this situation reminded me of something that I had recently read:

“And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.” – Author Unknown

When we look through a dirty window the world outside looks dirty and when we clean the window and look through it, the world outside is a beautiful world. The window we look through is really the perception we have of people and situations.

If only those parents could clean their window and look at the situation. Instead of shouting at him they would be thanking him for saving their little boy!

“We see the world not as is but as we are. By improving, refining, and defining who we are, we see the world from the highest, most enlightened perspective”.

- Robin Sharma in Leadership Wisdom

Being a leadership coach I often have the privilege to be in the presence of future leaders. There is one question that I ask in every session, “Who is the leader that you emulate?” I get answers like, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and disappointingly………… Hitler. It happens session after session.

Regardless of how consistently it happens, it still saddens me to think that mankind can see something remarkable in a human like Hitler. It takes me a while to reenter myself but after I do, I ask a simple question, “Are you aware of how Hitler died?” There is a pregnant silence after which they say, “Suicide.”

“Leadership is action, not position.” – Donald H. McGannon

After this awareness is created, the participants always reconsider their stance that Hitler is a leader to be emulated. I heave a sigh of relief; there is hope for mankind ………..

Being a leader is about asking the tough questions – it is not about providing the answers but it is about the asking the questions that stimulate thinking. It is about knowing that your opinions go through continuous change as you enhance your awareness and learning through your journey in life.

“A leader’s role is to raise people’s aspirations for what they can become and to release their energies so they will try to get there.” – David R. Gergen

I trust that my readers have been able to understand the concept of Emotional Intelligence through the stories I brought forward in my previous blogs. For a few weeks from now, I shall be focusing upon communication, the backbone of all successful relationships – be it personal or professional.

The focus of MMM Training Solutions has been to improve business communication in the workplace. There are many elements that, which when put together, constitute effective communication. I shall focus an important element today – tact and delivery. Let us now understand this concept with a story.

A long time ago, a Sultan summoned one of his wise men to ask how long he would live. “Your Excellency”, replied the wise man promptly, “you would live long enough to see all your sons and their children dead.” Upon hearing this, the Sultan flew into a fit of rage and ordered that this wise man be executed at once.

Some weeks later after this incident, the Sultan called upon another wise man of his province and asked him the same question. Now this man was really wise. After some thought he answered, “Your Excellency, I see that you shall be blessed with a successful life, wherein you will live so long that you will outlive your loved ones.” The Sultan was delighted and rewarded the wise man with gold and silver.

What is the difference in the way both these wise men communicated to the Sultan? Both of them perhaps said the truth, but there was a stark difference in the results. The difference lies in tact and delivery of content – the first wise man failed in this aspect, while the second wise man succeeded.

One of the most important lessons in business communication is that you should deliver your content after a lot of careful consideration and thought. A business environment is very sensitive and the method in which you communicate holds a critical key to your growth and success.

Four things cannot come back – the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity.
~An Ancient Proverb

Assuming that Emotional Intelligence is directly linked to leadership, there are three questions that need to be answered:
• What is Emotional Intelligence?
• Why is it important?
• How can Emotional Intelligence Quotient be increased?

We looked at the answer to the first question in my previous article titled, What Is Emotional Intelligence? Let us now look at the answer to the second question.

Emotional Intelligence is a soft skill, and the good thing about it is that it can be increased with consistent effort. This is more the reason that it needs to be worked upon. Since it is not a fixed trait, we can continue to develop it as we learn from what we experience in all areas of life.

Take, for example, a group of senior managers applying for a top position. They might all have MBAs but what characteristic will make them stand apart as the most successful leader? It has been established that the following kind of people – those who display high EQ – make it to the top:
• Ability to create resonance with others
• Display of empathy
• Ability to inspire
• Awareness of one’s abilities and shortfalls and confidently managing these to their best ability

Research undertaken by eminent scientists and psychologists, Hay/McBer and Goleman, concluded that the two main reasons for executive failure are:
• Rigidity (unable to adapt or take on board feedback and learn)
• Poor relationships (alienating others)

This re-instates the importance of Emotional Intelligence in the present world. Further discussions on the subject would continue in my next blog update, where I would discuss the third question. Do visit next week for tips on how your Emotional Intelligence Quotient can be improved.

The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born — that there is a genetic factor to leadership. This myth asserts that people simply either have certain charismatic qualities or not. That’s nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born.
Warren G. Bennis

Am I a leader? Am I a good leader? Am I an excellent leader? This question should be asked many times everyday by a person who is in a position of influence as leaders are not born but they are made. It is a conscious choice and an intentional journey.

Everyday we are confronted with decisions like – “I am so tired and I would like to sleep for an extra 10 minutes.” But this would mean that you will be late for the meeting that you had scheduled with your team.

Your internal dialogue continues…… “The team knows that I was with the client till midnight so they will understand. However, this is not something I will or should tolerate from anyone else. So I better get up now and leave for work at the earliest.” This is an example of making an intentional decision; an example of being proactive rather than reactive.

This situation sounds simple but has long lasting implications. An excellent leader is predictable, reliable and consistent. These simple, everyday decisions made with the intention of performing the action that is for the highest good of all are what makes an excellent leader.

It is the constant soul searching and scrutiny of your actions that will put you on a path of continuous improvement. So, in my opinion, what makes an excellent leader different from a leader or a good leader is his/her ability to take three actions: One examining your actions, the second is increasing the difficulty of the yardstick you are comparing your actions to and the third is taking immediate corrective action.

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
William A. Ward

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (2nd October 1869 – 30th January 1948), is lovingly known as Bapu (Father), and is the Father of modern and democratic India. As we stand at the threshold of his birth anniversary, we need to remind ourselves that there is so much that we can learn from this amazing stalwart that mankind has known. It has never failed to amaze me as to how he was able to achieve what he aspired for – without force or might, by his indomitable will.

At a time and age when morals and values are trampled upon in the mad rush for fame, power and money, we need to stop and think: could it be possible to achieve all of this and more by upholding morality to the highest decree?

Another aspect of Gandhiji was his amazing and inspirational leadership style. His life story during the struggle for an independent India conveys an important management lesson on leadership – you can motivate and inspire your followers when you have a consistent high regard for values and character.

I ensure that a little bit of Gandhi is alive in the Soft Skills Training and Executive Coaching that I conduct. I urge all my readers to study the life of Gandhi – his subtle messages speak aloud and make characteristic sense today. His ideals can be applied to life and business alike.

MMM Training Solutions remembers Gandhiji with deep reverence on his birth anniversary and re-dedicates itself to helping its participants strengthen themselves – not by physical capacity, but through an indomitable will.

As a Soft Skills Trainer and Executive Coach, I believe that training would be starkly incomplete without touching upon the importance of Integrity in one’s life. It is the foremost value essential to success in all that we undertake. The essence of integrity is beautifully summed up in the quote by Don Galer,

“Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.”

All of us at some point in life would have come across individuals with unswerving integrity, from whom we feel inspired to act according to the code of ethics and conduct. Peter Scotese once said, and I quote, “Integrity is not a 90% thing, not a 95% thing; either you have it or you don’t.”

It is better to be known doing right, rather than be known for having done something wrong. Always remember that you judge and rate yourselves by what you are capable of doing and achieving; but the world judges you by what you have already done. So it is a lot better to live an honest life with integrity.

For starters, it would be useful to follow a thumb rule: the test of real character lies in what you would do if you would never be found out.

Success comes more easily to the person who treads upon the path of righteousness and goodness. It gives a sense of peace and spreads good-will all around. It needs to be inculcated very consciously into one’s life.

Whenever you are at crossroads and in doubt about how to proceed in a particular situation, think about the following 3 questions:
1. What do you say?
2. What do you do?
3. What do you say you do?

If the answer to these 3 questions are all the same, then you are one giant step closer to the success you are aspiring to achieve.

I recently read an excerpt of Steve Jobs’ Commencement Address that was published by the Stanford Report dated June 14th, 2005. His closing lines revealed an amazing idea of inspiration in me.

Jobs credited the birth of this caption to a publication called The Whole Earth Catalog. This magazine was synonymous to today’s Google and other search engines – and according to the founder and CEO of Apple and Pixar Studios, it was “idealistic and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.” When this magazine rolled out its last publication in the mid 1970s, the back cover carried a picture of an early morning country road. Beneath it were the words: Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

At the first glance, this catchy caption would not make much sense to the busy internet reader. But when I gave it a few seconds of thought, the idea dawned onto me. Firstly, it essentially means that we should always remain restless for knowledge. Secondly, and more importantly, it means never to be proud – we should always be under the impression that we do not know much. This feeling would in turn further fuel the thirst for knowledge, whereby we constantly persist in attaining it.

It is a well understood fact that knowledge is like an ocean. It needs to constantly wet the shores of your mind and bring wisdom. It is like oil to the lamp that burns bright on a dark night. With the knowledge we have, others should be able to light their candles.

Ever endeavour to acquire knowledge.
Never fall into the bottomless pit of know-it-all.
I encourage all of you to: Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.